Whether you’ve lived in Britain all your life or you’ve moved here for Uni, you must have noticed little traits the British have. I used to watch all of those American films with British stereotypes and think ‘they have got us all wrong!’ but as I get older I am becoming a walking stereotype of a British person; I drink at least 3 cups of tea a day, I say sorry 20 times a day (even to inanimate objects) and I love a Sunday roast. So how British are you?
We love tea: I love tea. Tea and a biscuit, there is nothing like it. I went on holiday to Spain and they had no normal tea bags! I had to go 10 days without tea and I was definitely getting withdrawal symptoms. I know I am not alone in this! Come on all you tea addicts, hands up!
At least 5 cups per day – 15 points
The odd one or two – 10 points
Only if it’s really cold outside – 5 points
NEVER! Water and milk together?! Eww! – 0 points
We love to talk about the weather: Have you ever heard a British person talk about the weather? Because we do. A lot. I didn’t realise how true this was until I started working in a shop. The amount of times a customer will try to talk about the weather and, no matter whether it’s sunny or cold, no one is ever happy! When we get that week heat wave that everyone’s been waiting for everyone is moaning that it’s too hot! When it rains it’s too wet and when it snows?! Well the whole country shuts down!
Find yourself talking about the weather every time you have a conversation – 10 points
Only really talk about it if there’s nothing else to chat about and it’s got awkward – 5 points
Is it raining outside? I hadn’t noticed – 0 points
We love to queue: I think the whole country would go to pot if we didn’t have queues. I’m not even sure I understand this stereotype. Do other countries not queue? How do you decide who is going to be served next at the shop or who is first in line to get on the bus?! Maybe I am being completely British here, but I like a bit of order and a nice formally line to a till!
If strong tutting and scowling at the back of a push-in’s head doesn’t work, you’re fully prepared to give a lecture on the politeness of getting in line – 15 points
You’re not prepared to give a speech, but you will glare at anyone who ruins the queue (only when they’re not looking at you, of course) – 10 points
You get pretty irritated if a queue turns into chaos, but you also really just want to get to the front, so you’ll go with it – 5 points
Life isn’t about queues or forming a line. Someone pushed in? So what! I’ll get there in the end – 0 points
We love sarcasm: Sarcasm is what us British tend to see as humour. The definition is ‘the use of irony to mock or convey contempt’. So, for example, you might say something obvious and someone might reply ‘really Sherlock?’ (Sherlock is a British detective icon). I love a bit of sarcasm. But my real question is why hasn’t apple created an emoji with a a face holding up a sarcasm sign?! Some people interpret our sarcasm as rudeness when they don’t get it, but trust me…us Brits are actually just totally hilarious (and we never mean any harm with it)!
Is the Pope Catholic? Every other sentence I say is a sarcastic remark! – 10 points
I’ve definitely caused offence by being sarcastic before (so I apologised profusely for approximately 3 hours of course) – 5 points
I don’t really get sarcasm. Are you serious or kidding? I can’t tell? – 0 points
We love to apologise: I would walk into a door and then apologies to it! We just have this need to say sorry for everything. When we give someone a £20 note for a 50p item, if we don’t have the lighter the random person has asked you for (even if we don’t smoke), or wanting the attention of a waiter because we need another drink. You’ll hear a lot of ‘Sorry, can I just…’, or ‘Sorry’ *nervous laughter* ‘thank you.’ We don’t understand it, so there’s no point trying to make sense of it.
Whether you’re a chair, a waiter, a dog, or someone who’s held a door open for me, chances are I’m apologising to you for some unknown reason. Sometimes the word just slips out without explanation – 15 points
I feel bad for calling a waiter over when they’re busy, so I might say sorry and thank you a bit too often. Not when I bump into a table though! – 10 points
If I’ve done something wrong or not quite caught what you said, I’ll say sorry, like any normal person! – 5 points
Who apologises these days?! – 0 points
We are very polite: It comes along with the apologising. Once I was in staying in a hotel and the hot water wasn’t working so I had to have a cold shower, but I couldn’t bring myself to complain about it because I felt too impolite. I also, on many occasions, have had issues with my food at a restaurant and when the waitress comes over to ask if everything is OK I will nod politely. I am mortified when my mum decides to tell the waitress that everything is in fact not OK..! It can be a bit of a weakness, but I like to think that at least it means British people are, for the most part, a pretty nice bunch!
I end every sentence with a ‘thanks’, ‘thank you’, ‘cheers’ etc. – 10 points
I average about 40 thank you’s a day – 5 points
Unless you handed me a million pounds, I’m probably not saying thank you to you – 0 points
So how British are you? You could have scored a total of 50 points. How’d you do?
0-25 = Not all British – You probably find our sarcasm bizarre and can’t understand our passionate love of tea. But don’t worry, spend enough time with us and you too will be complaining about the weather, tea in hand, apologising to the chair you just bumped in to.
30 – 55 = Pretty British – You probably stick to just apologising to people, rather than inanimate things, but you also find yourself tutting when people don’t form and orderly queue in shops and want to curl up in a ball of shame when you make a sarcastic comment and people take it seriously. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there.
60-75 = Very British – You’re probably putting the kettle on as you read this, hiding away from whatever the weather is like outside, and perhaps even laughing at how true this all is (the kind of laugh where you don’t actually laugh, you just exhale a bit of air). You my friend are a proper Brit, even if you don’t know the words to the National Anthem (I don’t think many people do). Congratulations!