This isn’t an original student blog subject, I know when I was just about to come to uni, I read copious blogs and articles of tips about how to deal with going to uni and having a long distance relationship and a lot of them were absolutely useless. This one probably is too in truth because you can’t make life choices based on what strangers from the internet say, trust me.
I was very hesitant to come to uni, and although I’d have never admitted it at the time, a large feature was how little I would be able to see my then boyfriend. Of course now that ship has sailed, it is easy, as it is with other singles and people that are less experienced in relationships, to say how ridiculous that is. A lot of the blogs I was reading and the thoughts in my head, along with friends and family were telling me how stupid I was to let a boyfriend stop me from achieving my goals. Perhaps rationally, yes it is, but guess what? We aren’t robots, we’re emotional beings and sometimes being rational isn’t always what feels right.
I have read many blogs that have just flat out told people to break up with their significant other before they go to uni, just because they personally found it hard to be apart and had a bad experience. I’m not going to do that, because if you really care about someone that much, your relationship will prevail over distance, and why not try it rather than just binning them off before you go. Of course this differs, perhaps if you’ve known them a fortnight, the reality is the commitment isn’t there for long distance, because that is the essential part, commitment. The second thing is trust, you have to trust each other, especially if one partner is remaining at home, remember they’re not at uni, and during freshers week, all that partying and meeting new people can be very difficult for them to deal with when they’re sat at home worrying about you. The long and short of it is you must trust each other, and appreciate what is going on in each other’s lives.
Try as hard as you can to talk and see each other as regularly as possible. Depending on how far you have roamed for university, seeing each other may be more of a challenge, but try to skype each other as much as possible, it’s also really nice to have that point of contact to remind you of home and the support they can provide you.
‘Remember your friends’ says everyone ever when you get a new partner, and it’s so boring to hear, it is true, keeping the balance of your partner and friends social schedule is tough, what is great, is if you can encourage your mates to get on with your partner, then you can all do stuff together and you don’t have to feel guilty! Saying that though, you need to make sure that each party feel appreciated enough, like the other isn’t a priority over them. As long as you don’t cancel plans with your friends to blatantly just hang out with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you should be ok.
You may have found this before going off to uni, but it seems like everyone’s got an opinion about your relationship! Your friends obviously want to see you happy, but they aren’t in the relationship, so don’t feel too anxious if their advice and opinions on your relationship don’t seem to be helpful to you. This is really hard, because you don’t want to fall out with your buddies over your relationship, and it can be frustrating to them if they have strong opinions and you aren’t following their advice. It’s all about letting them know you respect and appreciate the fact that they have your best interests at heart, but also politely telling them that it’s your life and they have to respect your life choices. I still haven’t mastered this, so good luck with that one!
Ignore Me Completely
I mean it! Ignore this blog! So why read it? Because a large part of what I am trying to say is follow what FEELS right not what friends or family or bloggers are telling you to do! Following your heart is never anything to be ashamed of, even if things go wrong, and university is all about making your own choices, so you do you! Do what you feel is right with your relationship. Most importantly, when you do see each other don’t PDA all over the SU bar, no one wants to see that.